i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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