i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
