I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
