I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
