Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
