Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
