At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
