Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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