Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Four minutes until I can fart!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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