Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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