I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
