you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
