it was like his penis was on wheels.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
