I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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