When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
