Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
