It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
