she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
