a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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