Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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