she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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