like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
