Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
