I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My boob is missing a layer of skin
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i now understand why vodka
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
