I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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