Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
