you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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