Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
