Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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