I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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