Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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