I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
