K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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