I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
