I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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