Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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