We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
