I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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