just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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