just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
