from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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