I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
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