My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
