Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
