I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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