I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
