I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Randomize
