I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The adults are the big ones right?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
