Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
