I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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