god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
