Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
