Your tits are I can't wait for
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
