Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
